I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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