Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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