hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Houston, we have a blender
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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