if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
