it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
