No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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