Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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