Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
