I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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