WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
