Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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