You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
