there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
