he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
