How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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