There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
