True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
