i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
