I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
