I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
