where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
