just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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