never play flip cup with pint glasses
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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