I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
