I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
