she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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