If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize