my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
