Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
