Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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