I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
