My liver just broke up with me...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
