i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
