i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
