so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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