We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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