Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
