Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I AM VODKA MAN
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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