I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also, beer. Big fan.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
