...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
