I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
