Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
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I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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