I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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