He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i love accidental penises.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
