we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
