Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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