He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
this just has baby written all over it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
