my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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