I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
