I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
