I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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