She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
