I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
