If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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