So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
