nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
