Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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