Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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