idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
