fuck your aforementioned shoe
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
