Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
