Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
