I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
