if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
