I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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