it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
