you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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