shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
