God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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