Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize