I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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