Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
