some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
