he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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