That's intense
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
