Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
