I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
