I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
