4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
