You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
