Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
