Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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