It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
